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Stop trying to force other people to do what you want them to do

Let them

Every single one of us struggles with controlling behavior or we struggle with controlling thoughts and the let them theory is a way that you can check yourself so that your controlling nature or your controlling or obsessive thoughts don't control you

Imagine that you are in a tiny boat and you're paddling upstream. You are paddling against the current, it is hard to paddle against the current, it is a fight. That is what it feels like when you're controlling other people

You trick yourself into thinking that you're going to be in control if you can control other people

The reason why we engage in such controlling behavior and these obsessive thoughts is because oftentimes it distracts us from the truth

Don't ever let somebody determine what they're going to pay you when you get hired

If somebody's continuously crossing your boundaries, don't let them do that. If you've expressed them, if you've defined them, you need to hold your boundary. Do not let them just walk all over you like a doormat

Detachment – use the let them theory to detach yourself from the emotional or mental struggle that you can get yourself into when you're thinking about either what other people are doing or how things should be going

It's not until they tell you that they're ready for help that they are going to actually use the help that you give them

Every time you rescue somebody you rob them of the opportunity to grow

If you truly want somebody to tap into the strength inside themselves, yes there is a time to support people but if somebody keeps relapsing, if somebody keeps forgetting their lunch, if somebody keeps dating the same toxic fucking person, let them. Because eventually it's not going to work and then they're going to come to you and ask for help, and when they do, they'll be ready to accept it

I think that we all make the mistake of getting into relationships and we're not really in a relationship with the person as they are, we're in a relationship with the potential, and when you focus on someone's potential and you start to try to control and manipulate and want them to reach that potential or change or be different, you're not letting them be themselves.

Are you truly in a relationship with the person as they are or are you in a relationship with who you wish they were?

Your jealousy and your controlling is an attempt to get more love but it backfires

One of the greatest acts of generosity and love that a human being can give to another human being is to just listen to what somebody's story is to witness somebody's feelings about something and validate it

The more that people realize that around you they have the freedom to express themselves and the freedom to show up as themselves guess what the less you're going to need to control

How much does your worrying about it going to change anything?

I don't think any of us are aware of just how much energy and effort and time we waste on shit that we're trying to control

Let people do what they need to do

You got to let people fail and you've got to give people the room to grow, the room to learn, and the room to take personal responsibility for something in their life

It's in the consequence of not doing something that you learn that this is important to you, and you create systems and processes to actually do it

Nobody gets sober until they're ready to

When you constantly rescue people, you're teaching them that they're not capable of rescuing themselves

Let them be themselves. Let the people in your life be who they are and let them be who they're not

When you give somebody the freedom to be themselves, you see who they really are

Always ask yourself “whose business am I in”? Am I in my business or their business?

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